Thursday, March 19, 2009

The Pilgrim and the Condom

So, according to the almighty sex expert, Pope Benedict XVI, condoms lead to riskier sexual behaviors and therefore contribute to the spread of AIDS. Wow, talk about insight. His answer is that fidelity and abstinence are the true ways of halting the spread of the disease. I can't argue with this logic it is certainly true that if one doesn't screw around and one keeps his weapon in its holster, there is very limited risk of become HIV positive. But, to accept this logic, you must accept the premise that all human beings are capable of long term fidelity and abstinence. History has proven time and again that this is not the case. Actually, even the pope's own have been known to dip their stick now and again, with no regard for their vow of celibate chastity. Knowing that, the Pope still expects mere mortals to be able to do what so-called men of god cannot?
If this wasn't so tragic it would actually be funny. Maybe the condom comment was meant to refer to the universally known parable "The Pilgrim and the Condom". If I remember correctly, the story goes something like this:
A poor pilgrim was walking along a sun drenched road. As he was reaching the apex of a hill, he noticed a man struggling with a small package. Coming closer, the Pilgrim said: "Man, what is the cause of your difficulties?". The man, looking a bit surprised by the pilgrim's question answered: "I am about to rape a woman in the village below but wish to wear a condom to ensure I don't catch anything". The pilgrim was taken aback. After giving some thought to the situation, he said to the man: "Man, don't you know that a condom cannot protect you? Only god can do that!". Upon hearing that, the man dropped the package, fell to his knees and prayed for god's protection; after which he ran down the hill and started raping the woman. With the man gone, the pilgrim picked up the package, opened it and removed the two condoms it contained. His feet were in bad shape from having walked so many miles and he saw the condoms as a decent alternative to socks. He therefore sat down and proceeded to put them on. Although it was difficult to slide his feet into then, he found that they provided a comfortable fit. As he started back on his way, he began to slide downhill on his lubricated socks. He slid faster and faster until finally the condoms pierced, causing him to brake suddenly and fly head first into the village below. His flight came to an abrupt end when his face met the man's butt, naked for the occasion as he was still busy taking care of business.
The moral of this parable is threefold: first, it's easy to give advice when you don't having to deal with the consequences; second is you should always practice what you preach; and third is you should never put your nose is other people's business.

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