Just came back from a trip to my home town, it was like changing seasons in the matter of 4 hours. Although there is practically no snow left here, up there it's still winter. It's amazing how much difference 400km can make, and not only weather wise.
I always find it tough going back to my home town. I don't know what it is exactly: maybe a sense of lost years, the feeling that I am opening up old wombs? As I get nearer to my destination, I wonder what my life would have been liked had I gone back there after school. Regrets? Not sure, maybe...
Once I drive into town though, I realize that although I once belonged, I don't anymore; I am a stranger on my own turf. The places that were important to me then carry no meaning anymore. The people I once knew are now complete strangers. When someone recognizes me, it's usually as the brother of, the son of. If I didn't have any family left there I would rarely, if ever, want to go back.
I know I can never change my hometown, but if I could, I would. Not that I am ashamed of where I'm from but I just feel it doesn't reflect who I am anymore. I find myself saying I am originally from ... but I left there x years ago. I moved my anchor...
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
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Hometowns are our lifeblood, even when they are no longer home, per se.
ReplyDeleteYou live in a beautiful part of Canada.
Yes they are... And thank you for the kind comments on my region!
ReplyDeleteWe go back to my hometown each summer so my parents have a chance to enjoy their grandkids. I always find that as the time for our visit approaches I have a sense of excitement, of anticipation.
ReplyDeleteBut when I finally get there, that sense of anticipation very quickly transforms into something else. Not sure what. Disappointment? Not really. Something else. Kind of like when Christmas Day arrives, and it's just another day. I don't know what word I can use to describe that sensation.
I think that what I'm really remembering, when I think about my hometown, isn't the place, per se. I think that what I'm really remembering is my youth.